Spouse AND Business Partner Part 3

You need to think about how you communicate in front of others

In Part 2, we talked about how you "identify" to those around you regarding your business relationship. Now I'm going to talk about how you speak in front of others. I bet you know where this is going...
How to keep your personal life out of your business life!

It's not possible. What is possible is to keep it out of the way you appear to others and how you manage tasks.

• Call each other by your first names instead of "honey" or any other endearment
• Be aware of the "tone of voice" you use, people around you are!
• Make sure that your personal relationship doesn't "trump" your business relationship
• Don't argue in front of the "kids". You'll have conflict, but speak as if you are speaking to anyone else in your company with the same level of respect.
• If things do get heated in a conversation, take it outside.
  

I have worked with many successful couples who work well together. The main key to success that I would derive from observing them is that their jobs were very separate. Little to no overlap in the jobs they performed. Each saw the others value and had respect for their partner's abilities.

Of course when you live with someone or are very close to them, the "other stuff" that is your life will not just automatically disappear because the work day starts. The part you can manage is how others see you and WHEN you deal with conflict.

Spouse AND Business Partner Part II

This original post cried out to be a series right off. I came to realize that many more of my business contacts were in business with their significant other than I had originally thought! Hot topic because it IS your whole life. You work and live and often socialize together. Where's the line? And, in this post I ask the question about how to "come across" in the world.

• You have to decide how to appear to others: The Madison's vs Dan Madison and Ann Madison

Maybe you don't have the same last name at all, but no matter what, this issue will arise. When we say, "we're partners" you can mean business partners or life partners. You can say you "work together", you can say, "Ann owns a business and Dan is her Sales Manager".

How you describe your business relationship should be consistent. It will likely also bring the kind of conversations people have when they're going to get married and are deciding on hyphenation or not, etc. Being sensitive to each others needs for a clear identity is key to making this part of working together work.

How you word this partnership is also a huge cue to your employees, vendors and customers on how to treat you. If every time the phone rings and they ask for Dan and if he's not in they ask for Ann, it's gonna get old. Chances are, you're in very different roles and are not interchangeable.

It's funny the assumptions that come just with people who are in business together who have the same last name but are not spouses or not related at all! So, assumptions are being all the time. It's up to you to set the boundaries for yourself AND others.

Spouse AND Business Partner

photo: Erica Marshall www.muddyboots.org

This is going to be a series, I can tell.

Over these many years, I have worked with quite a few couples in business together. It's always been interesting, sometimes it's been great and on a few occasions it's been impossible. First, lets talk about how couples end up in business together:

• The have a complimentary skill set
• One person starts the business and the other finds themselves "helping out" all the time
• There are two distinct parts to the business and each takes on a piece
• An employee leaves and a spouse ends up taking on that role, unplanned

What makes it especially interesting to work together is:

• You don't get the same amount of "alone" time
• You have to decide how to appear to others: The Madison's vs Dick Madison and Ann Madison
• You need to think about how you communicate in front of others

If we were to just take these three points they would probably feed into all the other possible issues and concerns that people have when they're in business together. Let's just start with the first point:

You don't get the same amount of "alone" time

I know many couples who love the idea of always being together and working towards a common goal. In a way, that's something that I, myself have grown up with. It makes sense to me in many ways. It really solidifies a relationship. But, if it's the only life you have, and you tend to not have many friends and interests as an individual, this can be problematic.

Men in fact have many more complaints about not having a life on their own in this situation. From my experience, they men have a harder time making friends outside of their professional life. It's not completely down gender lines. I think that when two people find themselves in business together, you can pretty much count on the fact that one is much more social than the other. That's the "normal" polarizing that happens in any intimate relationship. If you are the one who has more of a social life outside of the business and relationship, you may get a lot of resentment from your partner who does not. Instead of getting caught up in that, try and support then in having their own outlets, of their choice.

Without time alone for each partner, whatever personal conflicts you have will have no place to be worked out. We all need other people to talk to about what's going on. That's what a best friend is for!